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Wife Mother Teacher
Today, Blurr is whizzing around the practice tracks at Ibex, his body a streak of blue and white. Small gatherings of fascinated fans are standing around, watching with widened optics and thrilled noises. Just look at him go! Up a halfpipe, somersaulting through the air like an acrobat! They applaud and cheer fervently, enthralled by the display of talent. Yeah, they know he's amazingly fast, but it's one thing to hear about it and another to actually -witness- it! Feint arrives with pomp and circumstance, not because she specifically ordered it, but because it's just part of the whole 'heir to the senate seat' thing. She now has guards that accompany her and she is dressed in a white Yussian robe that drapes pleasantly over her shoulders. She is immediately given passage into the practice area, where she goes to a viewing room to watch Blurr at work. It makes her smile; she watches him to see if this is what he loves, what brings out the best in him. It is definitely -one- of the things that he loves! Blurr is certainly enjoying himself. But when spots Feint's arrival, he beams at her, finishes the lap and hurries to the viewing room where she is. So he is suddenly not on the tracks any more but in the room behind her. "Feint!" he calls out happily. Hopefully the guards aren't too startled. Feint isn't startled; no, she's been honing those sensors so she can pick out his arrival. She decides to play back with him. "BLURR!" she cries, turning around and attempting to glomp him. Yes, very dignified for a future senator. Blurr laughs and lets her tackle-hug him. "Hey, you weren't startled that time. You're finally getting used to me!" He says fondly, standing up again. "I never thought I'd see the day. I guess I don't get to scare you any more. Oh well!" he laughs again. Yes, so very dignified. Well that tends to happen when you have someone like Blurr as conjunx endura. One guard facepalms and looks away while the other just tries not to laugh. "How are you feeling today sweetspark?" Feint asks, pulling back from him just a little but still holding his hands. "You look like you're in good spirits today." Blurr smiles. "I'm feeling great!" he squeezes both her hands tenderly. "Good spirits, well I guess you could say that." The racer glances at the guards, chuckling. "I'm just so happy for you! I mean look how far you've come. Remember when we first met? You were so fragile and helpless, and letting that scrapheap Solvent push you around. But now just look at you!" "Well, I have you to thank for it. You saved my life - more than once - and you gave me a reason to try to better myself by any means necessary," Feint says. "If you have some time I'd like to talk to you in private, about you, about me, and about us." Blurr nods with enthusiasm. "For you, of course! I always have time for you. Should we get to the hab suite then? Or do you want to go somewhere else?" "Come with me to the transport, we can sit in the back by ourselves and talk," Feint suggests. She looks to her guards and nods to them with quiet orders; they nod back in return. "Sure thing." Blurr agrees and follows her toward the transit stations. He is totally in a great mood, so hopefully this conversation isn't going to spoil it! Right? Feint slides into what must be the equivalent of a stretch limo and takes her place on the curved seat in the rear. The guards head up front to the driver's seats, though they aren't moving until someone gives them an order. It's nice, quiet and most importantly, not bugged with recording devices. "I had a meeting with Cipher and had a long talk with him about you and some of the things you've been doing," she begins. We'll -try- not to spoil the mood. Blurr's face falls slightly at this. "Oh..." Oh no, he doesn't like where this is going. He sinks into the rear seat as well. "What things? I mean, you know I love my job! Er, jobs." He smiles, but is looking slightly anxious now. "About your injections, for one thing. About everything that's happened to you from the start, because I wanted to know the truth about what's been going on," Feint says, trying to reassure Blurr, placing a hand over his and squeezing gently. "Blurr, I want you to be -happy-. I want you to do what your spark calls you to do, and I want you to be able to stay well in mind and body, because I want to have you around for a good long time." Blurr sighs. Oh, he told her about those, didn't he. "But I'm sure Cipher told you that the injections are for my own good. They help me stay emotionally balanced." he grins boyishly. "But I -am- happy, Feint! This -is- what my spark has been calling me to do all along. I want to be part of something greater. Like stopping terrorists before they can hurt people!" "And you know what? I agree with you, Blurr. That's why I am learning everything I can about how this world works so that I can do the most good with what I've been given," Feint reassures. "I'm looking into medicine and psychology as well. The way you spoke of Rung, and how he helped you? ... It inspired me. I'd love it if I could return all the wonderful opportunities and gifts you given me by being able to help you whenever you need it most." Oh, Rung. Blurr frowns a little at that. He's not quite sure how to feel about that one. But then again, Rung is kind of the reason he's doing this in the first place. He smiles again. "Well you can help me with my intel work, I mean your abilities are definitely useful for that! You could trick anyone into giving us the information I need." "Oh I've practiced a bit with that already," Feint cheerfully admits. "A prisoner in Kolkular that was being particularly stubborn." Blurr laughs. "Oh yeah?" He pats her on the back fondly. "Well maybe you're ready for some field work, what do you say?" he suggests. "It's more exciting, that's for sure." "I want to get a little more training before I go on any kind of mission," Feint replies, snuggling in a little closer. "That's the thing, I can't afford to put myself in danger; Halogen says I'm not ready for it yet and that my new position ties my hands in this regard. If it's just interrogation or interviewing someone who's already imprisoned and thus not a physical threat, that's fine; anything else is a no-go. My new position means that I have to leave the fighting and catching to the military and police classes." "But he couldn't possibly say no to learning how to fight anyway, right?" Blurr suggests. "After all you never know when you might have to defend yourself. Besides, even if you did go into the field, you wouldn't ever be going alone, I'd be there to protect you! I can fight now, you know. Reasonably well, anyway." "I'm not built as a fighter, Blurr. I mean, you've seen my altmode; I'm just a tiny little aerodrone," Feint chuckles. "I'll try to learn some self-defense, that's just prudent, but I'll likely never be able to do the sort of physical wonders you are capable of pulling off." Blurr laughs. "Well no, I never said I expected you to be able to pull off the kind of stuff I do, I mean -no one- can pull off what I do but at least be able to defend yourself." He nods. "Yeah! Perfectly prudent! You'd be perfect on an undercover assignment. The ones that are mostly subtlety, with minimal combat if all goes well. I'm not exactly a frontline soldier, either. Sneaking is easier for me." "I understand that you want to make sure your feelings are under control, but I'd like to have your medication analyzed. Not because I don't want you to have it, but because I want to make sure it won't hurt you over a longer period of use," Feint states, changing the subject a little. "The very best way to have control of your emotions is to learn how handle them in your mind. What would happen if the terrorists got hold of your medication and kept you from having it? It's good for now, but I believe you'd be better off developing inner strength instead of relying on something like that to get you through." "Oh, I know Feint." Blurr nods in agreement. "It's only temporary, I promise. Only until I won't need it any more." He looks down a moment, and produces one of the vials from a compartment in his arm. "Here, you can analyze some of it if you want. But Cipher wouldn't give it to me if he knew it would cause long-term complications." Feint takes the vial and stores it in one of her own compartments. "Thank you. It'll give me a research project for my medical studies anyways, so you're helping me even more." She stops and just admires Blurr for a few moments, reaching up to cup the side of his face. "You're a sweet soul. I don't know what I ever did to deserve being around you." Blurr gently puts his hand over hers. "Who says you had to deserve it?" he asks softly. "I mean, not that it really matters." He laughs and pulls away slightly, leaning back in the seat. "Well I hope you have fun with that. And make sure you let me know what you find out. I was always curious as to how it worked. Cipher tried to explain it to me but I just kind of gave up on trying to figure out what he meant exactly. But maybe you can do better." "I'll do my best," Feint agrees as Blurr sits back and relaxes, and misses the little cues she sent and lets an opportunity pass by. Internally she withers a bit and a tiny puff of air curls from her internal fans in disappointment and annoyance. She has to remind herself that Blurr simply doesn't get it - he hasn't had time to, and a little piece of her regrets being involved with someone who isn't going to be able to meet her needs for another good thousand years or so. She sits back as well, hands in her lap now. "I'm curious, dear - how much education have you been given? I know you've been trained to race, but have you studied anything else?" "Uhm..." Blurr ponders that. "Not really, at least I don't think so. Other than the training I've been getting at the Decagon, I haven't seen much else." He is completely oblivious to her disappointment. "Guess they didn't bother. Why do you ask?" "Well, there are things you need to know, especially socially, in order to function well in society," Feint admonishes gently. LIKE WHAT A CONJUNX ENDURA IS FOR. "When I met you I didn't realize you were so young... that makes things a little difficult for us, simply because I don't know if you understand what we've become." "Well, maybe you can teach me, then!" Blurr looks excited at this prospect. But he frowns at the notion that he might not understand what they've become? He's not quite sure what she means by that. "Well, it's together forever, right? That's what I was told it meant. Like what do you mean what we've become, are we changing into something else?? Do we become different? I mean I know you've changed a lot but that's because you weren't abused any more, right?" He really doesn't get it, does he. "I've changed, yes, because I don't have to leave in fear all the time," Feint explains. Yes, she's just going to have to be mommy for awhile. Unfortunately for Blurr, there isn't a sane mother out there that wants to be married to her son. "Well, let's start with the basics, dear. How many friends have you had, and do you know what it is to be friends?" "Hmm." Blurr thinks about that for a moment. He hasn't actually given that a lot of thought. How do you even define what a friend is? "Well I've had a lot of friends, more than I can count, even. I mean none of them have been as close to me as you've been, and some know me better than others but...well how do -you- define what a friend is?" "Well, a friend is someone who is considerate of your feelings and needs, but isn't afraid to tell you the truth, even if you might not want to hear it. They want to do what is good for you and will stick up for you when everyone else turns their back on you. They enjoy your company and you enjoy theirs, and you share some common interests and can have fun together," Feint explains. "You can share secrets with them and trust them to keep those secrets, and when you have arguments, you know they'll still try to work things out with you and not end the relationship. They won't use you to get ahead or to get profit and power for themselves." Admirers and co-racers may not necessarily be your friends, Blurr. Blurr listens, his face attentive. Wow, those requirements were a bit more stringent than he thought. In fact that kind of sounds like a conjunx endura. Friend, conjunx endura...he probably hasn't really taken the time to sit down and think about the differences between the two. In fact he has a hard time stopping and reflecting on anything at all, really. Or just stopping period. He may be better now at staying focused on one thing for long enough, but it's still a struggle. So getting into deeper thinking isn't exactly his forte. "Oh," he says after a while. "Well then, I guess Hot Rod isn't really my friend. He doesn't trust me with anything." "You can have friendly acquaintances - people you like being around and have no problems with, but you might not trust them fully yet," Feint says. "It takes time to get to know someone long enough to trust them and be their friend - a true friend. And a friendly acquaintance can -become- a friend with time spent together." Blurr brightens at that. "Oh, so if I just spend more time with them, then they'll trust me and become a true friend?" he asks, looking hopeful. "Well, your actions are going to speak louder than your words, Blurr. If you do something that makes them distrust you, it might be very hard for them to become your friend." Feint quietly wonders why no one taught him this, and why she now has to do it, but she finds that she really does love him. It's not hard to, though there seems to be a shift in how it's going to be expressed. "But I haven't done anything to make them distrust me!" Blurr pouts a little. Well, that they know of, right? "I don't know why he wouldn't trust me." Perhaps it's not that no one has ever taught him that, but more likely that it was never really emphasized in the education he did receive. And he never really gave it much thought himself. "Well, you try to control your emotions, right? And sometimes things happen and you've forgotten about them," Feint says VERY gently and carefully. "That's going to seem like very odd behavior to other people. What if you did something to them that hurt their feelings, and then you didn't remember it? They would still remember what you did. It would make it very hard to trust you, because they won't know for certain what you'll be like, if your behavior changes often, and you can't remember things." Blurr just looks confused at this. "Yeah, but what does that have to do with forgetting what I did? Why would I forget that I hurt someone? I know I'm bad with names sometimes, but usually I at least remember their faces. I don't forget that I did something, especially if someone had their feelings hurt. I mean, I've never done that to you, have I?" He asks, suddenly looking distressed. "Do you remember anything about Axle?" Feint asks, reaching over to hold Blurr's hand. "Of course I remember him. I mean he -made- me." Blurr shrugs. "Guess I can't blame him for what he did. He just didn't want to get into trouble. Obviously that didn't work out very well for him in the end. But Cipher is a lot nicer, so I'm kind of glad he's gone, even though I don't think he deserved to die. But it wasn't your fault, I know you weren't trying to kill him." he reassures her, squeezing her hand affectionately. Feint sighs gently. "Blurr, Axle was erasing your memories." She lets that sink in. "The mech I was sent to interrogate was Blast Off. He remembered you, when you first stole me away from Solvent. He remembered you making deals to get element zero and he remembered that fembot that came to your apartment for help. He witnessed you having your mind erased. Axle was erasing your memories over and over, and when I found you and him on that fateful day, he said he was going to make you forget me completely." "I know." Blurr says soberly, sighing. "Cipher told me he was doing that. And that it was because he was getting desperate because I seemed unstable. He was afraid he'd get in deep trouble if anyone found out. But he also said he'd never do what Axle did, because it isn't right." He puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "And of course I remember the Ezero. Really useful stuff, I guess--" But at mention of Shiftlock, he frowns. "She wasn't coming to me for help, that's just what she -wanted- me to think...." He trails off momentarily, as if not sure how to continue. "I mean, look at what she did to Ratbat!" Feint had been told snippets of what Blast Off remembered, and she poked into it a little herself, at least, as much as it was safe to know. She doesn't know the whole story, but there's enough there to make Blurr start to think. "If someone who had power over you was forcing you to kidnap, blackmail and hurt other people, how would you feel? What would you do?" "..." Blurr stares at her, suddenly looking anxious. Why is she talking about this all of a sudden?? "I--well--I guess it would depend on who those other people were, if they had sinister motives then it's probably for the best, right? ...why?" "Not everyone in this world that has power has a good spark, love. There are some people that will use other people to get what they want. I wish it weren't so, but it's the truth. That's why you have to be careful who you trust, because there are bad people out there who will take advantage of you if they can." "Did you stop to think that the reason that Ratbat was attacked was because he might have been forcing that femme to do things she thought was wrong, and she thought she had no other choice?" "Exactly, she was trying to use me to get what she wanted! So that's why I didn't trust her." Blurr insists. Yes, he has it all wrong, and he is set in it. "And even if he was, it still doesn't make what she did right." he says firmly. If Feint was looking for that little bit--the part that hadn't been restored as the rest, well she has likely found it. "She did what those terrorists do!" "...why are we even talking about this?" "Because I want you to think and understand. You're going to come across all kinds of evil people in your work, and some of them will be very smart and very manipulative," Feint replies easily. "I love you and I want you to be safe, and since you're missing some information on life, I thought it might be a good idea to start teaching you. You've only been around fifteen years. I've been around for five hundred thousand. I've got a lot of good experience you can benefit from." "But I am doing pretty good, right?" Blurr asks, looking slightly relieved. "I didn't let her take advantage of me. And I'm training at the Decagon all the time." So yeah he thinks he's good. "So that's why I need to take that medication to make sure I don't let people like her manipulate me into getting them what they want." "Medication won't stop people from manipulating you," Feint says. "Learning the difference between right and wrong, and learning good judgment will. Experience will." She reaches up places a hand on Blurr's head. "You're learning how to be a soldier, and that's good. But you need training up /here/," she says, patting his head. "I want to give you that training and help you to be as mentally strong and skilled as you are physically." "Well it at least helps, for now, anyway." Blurr counters. But he smiles when she puts her hand on his head. "Okay, okay. Well I'm glad you always want to help." He chuckles. "Hey! I know the difference between right and wrong. Most of the time." A strangely ominous pause follows, and he winces suddenly, as if in pain. Feint is immediately on guard. "Blurr, are you all right?" she asks evenly but firmly. Blurr looks back up at her; a strangely empty look on his face, as if there were no one home. He reaches up and pushes her hand off of his head. "I am fine." he replies flatly. It's almost as if he's completely forgotten about the conversation he'd just been having with her. "I have to go." And before she can protest, he has opened the door to the transport and jumped right off of it. This behavior is certainly odd, he has never left her without telling her good-bye or wishing her well, or at the very least telling her where he is going. -Especially- if she were alone. It seems that if Cipher had been telling the truth, he hadn't quite given it to her in its entirety... Feint blinks as Blurr just gets up and leaves, and then she becomes angry. If Cipher thinks he can get away with his, he's dead wrong.